I'm sorry.

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asiankanye
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Joined: Thu Apr 02, 2020 6:00 pm
Location: North Carolina

I'm sorry.

Post by asiankanye » Thu Apr 01, 2021 3:38 pm

Hi everyone in the HCA,
I would like to thank each and every one of you for being a part of this community. I've learned a lot during my time here, and I strived to give my hermit crabs the best care I could. At least, I did.
It all started on March 27, when I decided that my hermit crab in his little 5 gallon tank wasn't living a good life. Since it was quarantine, I had a lot of time on my hands and decided to research. I joined the HCA on April 2, which was my 13th birthday. I did a ton of research and completed my goal of setting up his tank around June or July. Everything was going great, I was doing regular food changes, misting their tank when needed, and doing water changes every few days. But everything changed on July 5th. I left on a 12 day camp that lasted from July 5-July 16 for leadership. I created a feeding schedule for my parents to follow and feed them. This camp was residential and I became very emotionally attached. I know it's very unhealthy, and I'm no longer emotionally attached but the damage was done. I became extremely lazy, didn't want to leave my room, and didn't want any social interactions. Unfortunately, this is also where I started losing interest in my crabs. I still fed them but only did water changes every week or so. I also became very inactive on this forum at around that time.
The biggest blow was August 17th. School started and I had almost no time to care for my crabs, yet I told my parents that they were doing perfectly fine. They weren't. This is one of the biggest regrets of my life and has made me very anxious for my future. I realized that I only cared for the crabs when I cared and as soon as I found something else to care about, my quality for care dropped. I really didn't want to talk about this, but it's been hanging over my head for the past few months and I'm afraid I will develop some not so great thoughts if this neglect is always on my mind. This is the only place I thought of that I could talk about this.
During the school year, I changed their food every week or so and barely ever did water changes. I was becoming anxious and depressed due to stress and family drama. I hate to say this, but I forgot about them. School was the only thing on my mind and I was also doing my other activities such as piano, math, and soccer.
Mid-February, I realized how terrible of a person I was. I checked on my crabs and saw two dead bodies. Not one, TWO. All the enjoyable memories I had of them rushed back to me. I broke down crying, and returned to my room so none of my family members saw me like that. I was disappointed and hopeless, and ever since I've been thinking of my other three crabs. I assume they are also dead; I haven't seen them in months but have not found any bodies. I'm sorry to bring this kind of energy into this community. I know how many enthusiasts like I was are here, but I just needed to vent somewhere.
I'm so extremely sorry for betraying you guys. I was active and seemed to know a lot about hermit crabs, because I did. But a few bad decisions led to neglect and the eventual death of the crabs. I completely understand if the moderators will remove this, and I would like to apologize to them as well. Thank you to everyone who has helped me on this journey, and I'm sorry for this situation. I still have those not so great thoughts, especially concerning where my future will go. This has been a mistake that should have never happened, but my laziness and sociopathic behavior have caused the deaths of my pets.

Edit: I have to add that I am not in any way asking for forgiveness. I personally don't think I deserve that for how I treated my crabs. I just needed to talk about this somewhere so I wouldn't go down that pathway in life. I know that it seems so dumb and immature to be this dramatic over my crabs, but they were something I truly cared about until those few experiences and I'm worried for myself and how my future will play out.


mool
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Joined: Wed Nov 11, 2015 9:30 pm

Re: I'm sorry.

Post by mool » Thu Apr 01, 2021 7:19 pm

I'm sorry for your loss. I'm also sorry that your journey with crab-keeping caused you such stress.

Please reach out to a trusted adult and ask them for help in processing your feelings.

Gentle hugs.

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asiankanye
Posts: 229
Joined: Thu Apr 02, 2020 6:00 pm
Location: North Carolina

Re: I'm sorry.

Post by asiankanye » Thu Apr 01, 2021 7:30 pm

Thank you for the advice. The past few weeks have been a lot harder since I've been thinking about all the fun times I had when building their enclosure, so kind words are always helpful.

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CrabbyLover77
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Location: PA

Re: I'm sorry.

Post by CrabbyLover77 » Thu Apr 01, 2021 8:44 pm

I hope you get the help you need to feel better. I also suffer from anxiety and depression. During my worst times, it was a struggle to even get up and brush my teeth, so I understand what you're going through. Please make sure to talk to someone about how you're feeling. The correct medication and a strong support system is what gets me through the rough patches.

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My Pets: 1 Pomeranian, 1 Russian tortoise, fishes/snails(40 gal freshwater aquarium), and 11 hermit crabs.
"Animals are my friends, and I don’t eat my friends".
-George Bernard Shaw

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asiankanye
Posts: 229
Joined: Thu Apr 02, 2020 6:00 pm
Location: North Carolina

Re: I'm sorry.

Post by asiankanye » Thu Apr 01, 2021 9:23 pm

Thank you for the advice. I don't have the courage to talk to my parents about my issues openly, same goes with my sister since she'll make fun of me. My friends will likely see me as strange, but hopefully not. The main people I can talk to are people in the minecraft modding community. I made an amazing friend who streams and I normally talk to him about my daily struggles.
Upon further reflection I realized that the reason that all of these emotions were triggered was because of a piano piece I picked up. I first started learning it in late February, and I stopped in May. This also happened to be the time that I did all the research for my hermit crabs. I would always be tracking packages, and when they came I would always sanitize them since my dad was and still is extremely vulnerable(although, thankfully, he got the 1st vaccine). Playing the piece again reminded me of those times and the smell of the sanitizer. I know this sounds very cheesy, but I think that's the reason I've been hit a lot harder by their deaths.

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HappyHermit0916
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Re: I'm sorry.

Post by HappyHermit0916 » Thu Apr 01, 2021 9:33 pm

I can relate. I go through some sometime where I just find it hard to care for my pets even though I know I have to. I have a lot of anxiety in my life. Mental health or anything as it's a really odd subject to go around with my parents but I'm pretty positive I have social and generalized anxiety if you can have both lol anyways I go through slumps of not being able to do anything and just worrying constantly and I get the struggle<3 if you ever need anything crab related I'm also in NC and could probably help you! Have a great day
Last edited by HappyHermit0916 on Fri Apr 02, 2021 6:27 am, edited 1 time in total.
29 gallon crabitat and 20 gallon long crabitat
My hermit crab YouTube channel: https://m.youtube.com/channel/UCJWuO8Urh5X94yipfRNiVRA
RIP Lola, the best hermit crab
Love you Reynie, Piper, Opal, Ridley, and Jasper

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Topic author
asiankanye
Posts: 229
Joined: Thu Apr 02, 2020 6:00 pm
Location: North Carolina

Re: I'm sorry.

Post by asiankanye » Thu Apr 01, 2021 11:11 pm

Thank you


CrabDad
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Re: I'm sorry.

Post by CrabDad » Sat Apr 03, 2021 10:50 am

Don't stress yourself out any more! There is not one person in this group that hasn't done something that they regret! No one is perfect! Use it as a learning experience and know that everything happens for a reason! Take care of yourself!

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asiankanye
Posts: 229
Joined: Thu Apr 02, 2020 6:00 pm
Location: North Carolina

Re: I'm sorry.

Post by asiankanye » Sat Apr 03, 2021 1:16 pm

Thank you for the kind words. I'm not sure if I will return to crabbing because I don't feel I have the ability nor the attention span to consistently provide them with all the things they need.

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crabbycasey
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Re: I'm sorry.

Post by crabbycasey » Tue Apr 06, 2021 4:46 pm

Stay strong! You’re doing good already to put this out there...I’m sure it wasn’t easy. Try not to beat yourself up. Things like this happen in life. I hope you can soon forgive yourself and focus on how to best care for yourself. You can’t change anything that’s been done but you can learn from it and do better! I agree with everyone else too that finding an adult you trust would be important. It might be difficult, but please don’t hold it in or give up if you don’t get what you need at first. What about a school counselor?

Happy belated birthday btw! My bday is also April 2nd ...


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Topic author
asiankanye
Posts: 229
Joined: Thu Apr 02, 2020 6:00 pm
Location: North Carolina

Re: I'm sorry.

Post by asiankanye » Thu Apr 08, 2021 3:49 pm

Thanks, I'm slowly getting better. I've been reaching out to some people in the modding community I'm in and it's helped a lot. Also, happy birthday!

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crabbycasey
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Re: I'm sorry.

Post by crabbycasey » Fri Apr 09, 2021 12:39 am

That’s good to hear ...I hope it continues to get better!


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Topic author
asiankanye
Posts: 229
Joined: Thu Apr 02, 2020 6:00 pm
Location: North Carolina

Re: I'm sorry.

Post by asiankanye » Sun Apr 11, 2021 12:12 pm

Thanks

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