Parents won’t let me get a larger hermit crab tank?’

[HermitCrabGirl03]

Hey guys.. I know I’m going to get beat up for what I’m about to say bevause its cruel but I’d like to start off by saying it’s not my decision. Basically i used to have a 20 gallon long for 4 hermit crabs. My mom thought it took up too much space so she got rid of it even though i BEGGED her not to. We also had a spare ten gallon which i thought we’d use but NOPE because she got rid of that too. So we are now stuck with a 5 gallon for four hermit crabs. I’ve tried EVERYTHING to tell her that’s not enough space and we need at least a ten (even though we probably need more like a 30) and she was not having it. It’s been months I’ve been begging. I even asked for a larger tank for Christmas. I can only fit one hut, their food, salt and drinking water and a few shells. They all go into that one hut and cram in. It’s not fair for them. I even offered to get rid of them and she doesn’t want to because they’re “my responsibility”
And you can’t just get rid of pets. But like they’d be better off somewhere else now because they’re in a 5 gallon! I’ve tried even using my own money. I have 200 dollars but she won’t let me spend it. She says “they’re fine they seem happy” but NO THEY DONT. I need advice on either how to convince her or how to have my hermits live the best life they can in a five gallon... Please help

[NLindsey921]

Show her this website and the care sheets that state they need at least five gallons per crab.

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[LadyJinglyJones]

No one is going to be cross with you. You are trying, and you did begin with the correct conditions - but the matter is a bit out of your hands. This happens sometimes in life.

However, if your mum is at all willing to listen to argument, perhaps point out that their being your responsibility and all, you've researched their needs, like a responsible person, and that to care for them responsibly you need a larger enclosure, or else to rehome them. Perhaps stress that this is the truly responsible line of action. It seems a bit like she regards this as a lesson for you, which, ironically you've learned better than she can appreciate.

It does sound as if she has made up her mind (I recall an earlier thread on this topic ), and isn't all that interested in learning about these critters. That happens sometimes.

I'm sorry you're having such difficulty!

[wodesorel]

I have been trying to figure out what to say since last night. I talked to my husband, who is a dad to two teenagers, about what he thought and I definitely cannot reprint his reaction here.

I hope you remember from your last thread that I never thought you were to blame or at fault for this. You aren't!! No one here will be upset at you, this is completely out of your control.

I really don't know what to recommend. You know everything they need and what is going to happen eventually, and you truly can't do anything about it.

Is there a family member or close friend that can help in figuring out a way to get your parents to agree to a larger tank or allowing you to rehome them? You might have to have an adult on your side before they will listen.

Otherwise the only thing I can think of is getting a close friend to help smuggle them to someone who is able to get them a larger home so they are safe. Maybe they died and you flushed them, or they escaped and you couldn't find them. I imagine in either scenario you'll end up in trouble, though with not being able to molt safely it is going to happen for real sometime this year.

Maybe it's because of my own mother, but I don't like the trap you have been put into where they are your responsibility but you aren't being allowed to care for them properly. Don't let it get to you, okay? Stuff like this will stick with you, keep reminding yourself that you are doing all you can/could and it is not your fault in any way!!

I am not a huge believer in having to have a big tank, but a 5 gallon just cannot support 4 molting crabs safely. It might for a while, but at some point tragedy is going to occur and what is worse, it would have been completely preventable. They don't need a palace, and what you had was perfect. I am so sorry.

And in defence of your parents, something may be going on that you don't know about yet. Finances make adults do unnecessary and completely incomprehensible things, and when you become an adult money becomes all encompassing. It sucks. Maybe try figuring out why they have decided to make these changes and limit what you are permitted to do? Most people have an underlying reason for what they do, even if it doesn't make sense to others.

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[soilentgringa]

The whole reason we ended up crabbing os because someone gave my child 2 crabs as a surprise.

The first thing we did was research proper care.

As the parent of an 11 year old, there is no way I would allow my child to have a pet if we could not provide adequate care for it.

I am really sorry that your parents are doing this.



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[aussieJJDude]

The whole reason we ended up crabbing os because someone gave my child 2 crabs as a surprise.

The first thing we did was research proper care.

As the parent of an 11 year old, there is no way I would allow my child to have a pet if we could not provide adequate care for it.

I am really sorry that your parents are doing this.



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Unfortunately this isnt always the case. I've seen it across all boards that I've been on, where parents treat an animal as an object; especially when its not 'warm' or 'cuddly'....

In saying that, similar has happened to me. I dont know if its lucky for me, but I have gotten relentless and pester my parents into letting me make my own choices on my animals health.
Looking back, I faked an animals death and walked the couple km/miles to get to a petstore to rehome them.... (Why did my parents think a single clown loach would be a fine candidate for a corner 65g.... *For those not aware, clown loaches can grow a foot in lenght and require a shoal of at least 6*) definently not my finest moment, but for me it was more ethical to take it to a store then it would be to keep it in less than ideal conditions and give it a chance to go to a good home.
Adults and children often have opposing views, and its something that each generation learns to accept IMO. Likewise, for those that dont understand an animal, its hard for them to comprehend why they require x, y & z....



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[LadyJinglyJones]

Thinking about what aussieJJDude wrote above, I got to thinking about some of the more, we'll call them 'creative', things I did when younger to get what I wanted. I'm not gonna write about that here because I don't want to seem to endorse dishonesty (I was extremely dishonest... kind of a nightmare for my parents, really )

But I remembered something that once worked - I did a written assignment (with diagrams) about rat respiratory tract infections, so my parents would shell out for the more expensive bedding they needed, after discovering that the cedar shavings I'd bought them were a serious irritant. I was out of money (and the grass wasn't going to need mowing for at least another week... also, I did not have permission for the rats i had aquired, so this was all really a bit much for my poor parents.)

My parents really valued school work, & education* (*and I was a very poor student geneally), so putting together a written project was effective. I got my English teacher to help, and she even allowed it to be worth extra credit. (A science teacher might do as well.)

If you want to give this a try, I wouldn't mind supplying you with a bibliography, references, and/or editing. You could create a project that details their life in the wild, how they moult, or whatever you think might be helpful for your mum to read.

Its a long shot, I admit - but it might be more convincing than just saying facts, if she saw that you had put a bunch of extra work into the argument. Getting a teacher on board to say "yes, what a good paper HermitCrabGirl03 has written, clearly a future marine biologist" (or whatever it is teachers say to impress parents), could be helpful too if she's the kind of adult more easily influenced by other adults.

Finally, I recommend thinking strategically. ... everyone has things they value: be it money, social standing, comfort, aesthetics, or whatever. Comming up with ways to tie the outcome that you want to something your mum thinks is useful or good will improve your chances... if you try to think like her maybe a new idea will hit you.

Why did she allow you to get hermits in the first place? What did she think about them?

[HermitCrabGirl03]

Okay so basically I USED to have a 20 gallon long hermit crab tank but then my parents told me it took up “too much room” and it didn’t look good just sitting in my room. They said “they’ll be just fine in a 5 gallon” ... I have 3 hermit crabs and they’ve been in the 5 gallon for months because I can’t convince my parents to let me get a larger tank. They will say “It’s too much money” even if I offer to pay for it. I really don’t want to get rid of my crabs because I do like them a lot and I don’t know where we’d re home them. Also my mom literally got rid of ALL OF THEIR TOYS! So now I have to find scraps around the house just to make toys, food dish, water dish, climbing things etc. Yesterday we went to a pet store and I tried to pick some new toys out but my parents wouldn’t buy them. I’m beyond frustrated at this point and not sure what I should do.. My crabs SEEM fine. They molt and they’re very bright beautiful colors. They change shells, climb and more. But I’m not sure if they actually are okay.. What would you do in my situation?

[aussieJJDude]

Merged your two topics... similar ideas was expressed above....


Any updates from above that some people mentioned? If not, I'll reccomend looking above.

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[wodesorel]

I will reiterate that I do not like this situation you've been put in. That is just straight up abuse to the crabs, taking away the things a living animal needs to survive. Hang in there sweetie!

[jfs]

Wait why would... What? Why would they take away there toys/food and water bowls. I hate to say this but, (maybe they are trying to get you to get rid of them)... That is just cruelty to animals. I know people think hermits are stupid pets.. It's just unfair.

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[CrabsterBecks]

Hey HermitCrabGirl03!

I had a similar issue. I had a temporary 5 gal tank because my mom didn't want me to take up more space. I explained to her that they needed at least twenty gallons, preferably thirty, but she still wouldn't budge. She HONESTLY thought that they were fine. It wasn't until one of them lost a limb due to fighting for space that she began to see the need. Eventually (very very eventually, with me struggling to provide the best care), we came to a negotiation. She, my dad, and I had not been getting along, and I had been paying more attention to my crabs than to my schooling and household chores. We came to an agreement that if I would treat them both more respectfully and if I could pay more attention to my "non-crab-curricular*, then I could purchase a larger, badly needed tank. I tell ya, I was praising the Lord that day!

Stick it out and maybe try to find some area that she wants you to work on. Who knows, maybe you two can come to an agreement?

[wrswrs2]

Seriously? They didn't like it that it took up too much space in your room?? And then they threw out all of their things? No offense, but that's kind of a jerk move.
I get it that it's their house, but it's your room and really do things in your room even effect them? My parents never cared about the type of pets I kept in my room as a kid. As long as it wasn't a frog haha.