I'm sorry.
Posted: Thu Apr 01, 2021 3:38 pm
Hi everyone in the HCA,
I would like to thank each and every one of you for being a part of this community. I've learned a lot during my time here, and I strived to give my hermit crabs the best care I could. At least, I did.
It all started on March 27, when I decided that my hermit crab in his little 5 gallon tank wasn't living a good life. Since it was quarantine, I had a lot of time on my hands and decided to research. I joined the HCA on April 2, which was my 13th birthday. I did a ton of research and completed my goal of setting up his tank around June or July. Everything was going great, I was doing regular food changes, misting their tank when needed, and doing water changes every few days. But everything changed on July 5th. I left on a 12 day camp that lasted from July 5-July 16 for leadership. I created a feeding schedule for my parents to follow and feed them. This camp was residential and I became very emotionally attached. I know it's very unhealthy, and I'm no longer emotionally attached but the damage was done. I became extremely lazy, didn't want to leave my room, and didn't want any social interactions. Unfortunately, this is also where I started losing interest in my crabs. I still fed them but only did water changes every week or so. I also became very inactive on this forum at around that time.
The biggest blow was August 17th. School started and I had almost no time to care for my crabs, yet I told my parents that they were doing perfectly fine. They weren't. This is one of the biggest regrets of my life and has made me very anxious for my future. I realized that I only cared for the crabs when I cared and as soon as I found something else to care about, my quality for care dropped. I really didn't want to talk about this, but it's been hanging over my head for the past few months and I'm afraid I will develop some not so great thoughts if this neglect is always on my mind. This is the only place I thought of that I could talk about this.
During the school year, I changed their food every week or so and barely ever did water changes. I was becoming anxious and depressed due to stress and family drama. I hate to say this, but I forgot about them. School was the only thing on my mind and I was also doing my other activities such as piano, math, and soccer.
Mid-February, I realized how terrible of a person I was. I checked on my crabs and saw two dead bodies. Not one, TWO. All the enjoyable memories I had of them rushed back to me. I broke down crying, and returned to my room so none of my family members saw me like that. I was disappointed and hopeless, and ever since I've been thinking of my other three crabs. I assume they are also dead; I haven't seen them in months but have not found any bodies. I'm sorry to bring this kind of energy into this community. I know how many enthusiasts like I was are here, but I just needed to vent somewhere.
I'm so extremely sorry for betraying you guys. I was active and seemed to know a lot about hermit crabs, because I did. But a few bad decisions led to neglect and the eventual death of the crabs. I completely understand if the moderators will remove this, and I would like to apologize to them as well. Thank you to everyone who has helped me on this journey, and I'm sorry for this situation. I still have those not so great thoughts, especially concerning where my future will go. This has been a mistake that should have never happened, but my laziness and sociopathic behavior have caused the deaths of my pets.
Edit: I have to add that I am not in any way asking for forgiveness. I personally don't think I deserve that for how I treated my crabs. I just needed to talk about this somewhere so I wouldn't go down that pathway in life. I know that it seems so dumb and immature to be this dramatic over my crabs, but they were something I truly cared about until those few experiences and I'm worried for myself and how my future will play out.
I would like to thank each and every one of you for being a part of this community. I've learned a lot during my time here, and I strived to give my hermit crabs the best care I could. At least, I did.
It all started on March 27, when I decided that my hermit crab in his little 5 gallon tank wasn't living a good life. Since it was quarantine, I had a lot of time on my hands and decided to research. I joined the HCA on April 2, which was my 13th birthday. I did a ton of research and completed my goal of setting up his tank around June or July. Everything was going great, I was doing regular food changes, misting their tank when needed, and doing water changes every few days. But everything changed on July 5th. I left on a 12 day camp that lasted from July 5-July 16 for leadership. I created a feeding schedule for my parents to follow and feed them. This camp was residential and I became very emotionally attached. I know it's very unhealthy, and I'm no longer emotionally attached but the damage was done. I became extremely lazy, didn't want to leave my room, and didn't want any social interactions. Unfortunately, this is also where I started losing interest in my crabs. I still fed them but only did water changes every week or so. I also became very inactive on this forum at around that time.
The biggest blow was August 17th. School started and I had almost no time to care for my crabs, yet I told my parents that they were doing perfectly fine. They weren't. This is one of the biggest regrets of my life and has made me very anxious for my future. I realized that I only cared for the crabs when I cared and as soon as I found something else to care about, my quality for care dropped. I really didn't want to talk about this, but it's been hanging over my head for the past few months and I'm afraid I will develop some not so great thoughts if this neglect is always on my mind. This is the only place I thought of that I could talk about this.
During the school year, I changed their food every week or so and barely ever did water changes. I was becoming anxious and depressed due to stress and family drama. I hate to say this, but I forgot about them. School was the only thing on my mind and I was also doing my other activities such as piano, math, and soccer.
Mid-February, I realized how terrible of a person I was. I checked on my crabs and saw two dead bodies. Not one, TWO. All the enjoyable memories I had of them rushed back to me. I broke down crying, and returned to my room so none of my family members saw me like that. I was disappointed and hopeless, and ever since I've been thinking of my other three crabs. I assume they are also dead; I haven't seen them in months but have not found any bodies. I'm sorry to bring this kind of energy into this community. I know how many enthusiasts like I was are here, but I just needed to vent somewhere.
I'm so extremely sorry for betraying you guys. I was active and seemed to know a lot about hermit crabs, because I did. But a few bad decisions led to neglect and the eventual death of the crabs. I completely understand if the moderators will remove this, and I would like to apologize to them as well. Thank you to everyone who has helped me on this journey, and I'm sorry for this situation. I still have those not so great thoughts, especially concerning where my future will go. This has been a mistake that should have never happened, but my laziness and sociopathic behavior have caused the deaths of my pets.
Edit: I have to add that I am not in any way asking for forgiveness. I personally don't think I deserve that for how I treated my crabs. I just needed to talk about this somewhere so I wouldn't go down that pathway in life. I know that it seems so dumb and immature to be this dramatic over my crabs, but they were something I truly cared about until those few experiences and I'm worried for myself and how my future will play out.
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