HCA: Hermit Crab Association

Join us now in Crabpinch Corners for another episode of "As the Coconut Turns" Will Crazy Sean admit that he likes American football better? Will Kitty leave Tim because she is looking for a guy with a Jumbo? Will Christa, benevolent mayor of Crabpinch Corners, Nebraska, seek help for her shell fetish? Will she stop trying to crawl into large conch shells? And what of Ariel? Will she face reality and admit that her lack of fashion sense is not just "a bad moult"? Stay tuned for these and other tepid yet dull questions on "As The Coconut Turns" where we'll hear OldBattleAxe say "Pinch me, you fool!".Brought to you in part by Turtle Bikini Wax. Removes unsightly hair AND gives your thighs a protective, waterproof finish! Another fine product from the folks at Turtle Wax(tm)

Tim takes a bowGlad y'all liked it! The saga of Crabpinch Corners is probably not over, if my muse decides to smack me with the pinata stick.OUCH!Will Tim be inspired to write another opus about the sleazy little hamlet of Crabpinch Corners? Will ChocoBabula do something incorrigible enough to be included in the episode, or will she remain the pure, chaste gal she always is by day, and the insatiable exotic dancer Choco "Cha-Cha" Babeula" by night, dancing for loose change so she can buy that seductive Ecuadorian down at 'Curls House 'o Homeless Hermits and Seafoode Shoppe"? What will her neighbours do when they find out that she is a shelly dancer? And what will Hermin Louie14 do when when he joins the "Crabpinch Corners Hermie Society" only to find out that "hermie" is also short for hermaphrodite? Will he be able to decide whether to wear boots or a tasteful pair of pumps to his first meeting and whether to shave his face or his legs? And finally, Christa. Will her husband have her commited when she announces that she feels that it is time to settle down and spawn, and lay several thousand eggs in the nearest tidal pool? Will the neighbours' birdbath ever be the same after Christa realizes that Crabpinch, Nebraska is thousands of miles from the nearest tidal pool? For the answer to these and other pointless and revolting questions, tune in for the next episode of "As the Coconut Turns"!Brought to you in part by "Mex-Lax". The gentle, natural laxative from the fine folks at "Taco Bell" There's a burrito in every bottle! Now with jalapeno peppers! "If ya can't go potty, just relax, Just fry your innards by taking Mex-Lax!"And don't forget, Mex-Lax comes in three strengths-Guacamole a go-go, Hot Tamale Turbocharged, and Porcelain-Scorching Pinata Pipe Bomb! Ask for it by name. But quietly. You don't want folks to know you NEED this stuff, do ya?

When I wrote those 4 words, I was thinking of you Tim. "Oh, the possibilities!" And for you information, I don't blame my "lack of fashion sence" on a bad moult mister. It's that blasted cuttlebone! It turned pink okay! Why else would my legs be brighter then the Barbie isle in wal-mart? I mean, it's not like nail polish is actually safe for hermies! Gagh, i'm done now. I am afraid no one can live up to the Greatness of...... Jim Boomarang!

Waaahh I can't spawn in a birdbath! And with all the west-nile-related restrictions, I can't find enough standing water anywhere. I'm scoping out the inflatable pool down the hill... While in my ears, 1000s of teeny voices scream, "SPAWN MOM, SPAWN!" Ack! OK, YOU try to not spawn when you're on the subway train. My eyes staring straight ahead as a larvae crawls up in my hair to wave a "hi Mom!" Then the doors open at the Pentagon station and I race, full speed, past the MPs and their rifles, down to the Potomac, shouting "I HAVE TO SPAWN! Ok now I am VERT loopy but did you know that 5 day old hermits look a lot like mosquitoe larvae? But their eyes are bigger and their tails are more bristly. OK enough posting for me. The puter is not my friend tonight.