HCA: Hermit Crab Association

How do you ever feel comfortable again ? You see I met someone and we get along great and talk all the time and have gone out a few times,but he's so differnt from anything I was used to and I know alot of it is me.Its been a long time and I like him my son is happy that I'm getting out and thinks he's cool.I'm 36 and feel like I'm 14 all scared and confused .thats why I haven't been on much just trying to think through this I just can't relax and for anyone who doesn't know my husband passed a few years ago

I don't know Motley but if he's so different from what you're used to, there will likely come a time when one day you realize that's not the case anymore and you can't even tell when it occured.No matter whether it's been 1 year or 10, dating for the first time after losing your hubby has to be a huge adjustment. Hopefully he, or any guy you date, will respect your need to tread slowly. It's a great sign that your son thinks he's cool. Don't try to label it right now. Just enjoy it for the company it is. Good luck to you and your son.

It must be so hard, too, to add anyone else to what you and your son have developed in the years since your husband died too. That has to feel weird and out-of-sorts. Any change in routine feels often like a threat to me so I can imagine that you are feeling this way as well, after having adapted to this new kind of life.If the relationship is not working out, you will know soon enough but I would just try to enjoy this man and be his friend. Nothing has to come out of this that you don't want. And as far as him being different that can be a blessing. It's so hard to find even a few people that we really click with that sometimes you have to step back and just take these feelings when and where they show up, even if they don't always occur with the person that you expected to see.

Thank you so much for responding,and I am glad to get out in the world again .Nicole,You hit it though right on and I never even thought of it I kind of felt a threat to my time and everyday routine .You can become so set in the littlest things you do that you don't even realize thats what it feels like when it happens.I'm just going to try to go with the flow and see where it goes.Abby,Looking back on the things I have done over the past 5 yrs (I can't belive its been that long)I made my own little shield from being with anyone I keep my son real close and always having my niece and nephews around keep me young I'm the cool aunt that always does stuff with them video games,paint ball,lazer tag,sitting up all night talking those are the best! I hope anyone I'm with gets that strange as it may sound getting those first two crabs is what started the healing I had something else to take care of and they needed me in a way that I could handle.

I can only imagine how you feel. I've been w/ the same person for 7 years now and sometimes I think about what it would be like to be in a new relationship and it's really weird. I can only see myself w/ the person I'm with.Dating is like a whole different and weird world to me now...I guess the key thing is to take you're time. It's only natural to feel the way you do.Make sure you're ready and accept the fact that nothing is going to be like it was with your husbnd. This is a new chapter in your life. Just because things aren't the same doesn't mean they can't be wonderful again.Good luck