Homework help

[SeaShellE]

My 8 yo procrastinates on doing his homework. He will zone out on something and if I don't stay on him he will never get it done. I have tried timers, grounding, withholding fun things, etc. I am at my whits end. It took him 1 hr and 45 mins to finish alphabetizing 25 spelling words. And he know this stuff. What do I do? Should I have him tested for a learning problem or should I talk to his teacher to get her opinion on getting him to get things done? Maybe its a time management problem. Or is it that he is trying to monopolize my time before they have to go to bed? Is there something I can do to help his concentration? Suggestions anyone?

[Guest]

Possibly try going the other way with it, offer him neat stuff if and ONLY if he finishes his homework in a certain time frame? For example, let him stay up an extra 15 mins past bedtime, or he gets to pick one item that's served with dinner (either that night if you can get him to finish soon enough, or the next night otherwise) even if it's junk type food. I'm sure you can come up with other ideas along those lines, if you haven't already tried it. Otherwise, I really don't know what to tell you. I'd certainly request a conference with his teachers if the problem persists, and find out if he's having the same sorts of problems in the classroom. If he is, then I'd certainly seek a professional opinion, but be wary of a doctor popping off too quick with a diagnosis of ADD.

[SeaShellE]

Most usually he isn't this way with his teachers. He only gives them trouble when he starts getting sick. We have a trip planned to a water park this weekend and that still hasn't given him incentive to get it done. I wouldn't put him on drugs if its the first thing a dr says to do. I am way more cautious than that. I think he is trying to get whatever type of attention from me even if it is aggravated attention. We run on a very tight schedule here. The bus picks them up at 6:15 am and home at 4:00pm. I have to get them in bed at 7pm or I can't get them up the next morning at 5:15 to do it all again. So from 4-7 I have to fit all homework, chores, dinner and baths. It throws a monkey wrench in the works when Justin's homework takes 2 1/2 hours because he fiddle farts around and I have to stand over him to get stuff done. It makes everything else late. The teacher said his homework should never take more than 30 mins to complete. These boys require alot of sleep and so I try to get them as much sleep time as possible.

[motley crew]

the only thing I can say is that my son had the same problem all through grade school and the truth is they think it should be only 30 min and ya know what? thats not always the case.also as much as it sounds hard, when do they get time to just be boys and cut up. thats what I did too i'm a single mom and I need a time limit for everything and the weekends are just not enough but they need time to be kids once and a while maybe if they get the homework done in your time frame they could skip a chore that day not all but 1 and just try if you can too just take time and reread your own words all that stuff everyday is alot, but trust me I know how you feel i'm there too and its hard and the schools think we have nothing else to do but we need to just relax once in a while and play a game the dishes are not going anywhere thats just my thoughts and i'm sorry if it does not help you and that it was so long and I hope you dont take it the wrong way

[Nicole]

What is the punishment at school if the homework is not done? Since you've tried everything else, and you know that he knows the material, maybe you could just let him see what happens if he doesn't do the homework. That said, I'm sure after being on the bus and in school that long he is probably weary. I used to do my homework on the bus on the way home (I had a long trip home from elementary school) so I would have more time to play. I don't know if that's feasible but it would give him more time to relax when he does get home.My boys always know when I'm rushing them to do something. It always takes them twice as long to get anything done when I tell them to hurry up.

[Guest]

A lot of you seem to be moms here, so let me share my 17-year-old perspective if you don't mind. Beware my long posting habit ^_^;.Like everyone said, that is a lot of time and a lot of stuff. I know that when I get home from school I usually have to eat and do something to check my brain off for about an hour, or else I can't think. For example- if I came home and immediately started on an essay, it would probably take me 2 hours or more to do it. But if I do something else, like play with my pets or watch a favorite TV show or eat for an hour then do my homework, it would probably take about 30 minutes to an hour to do the same assignment. Maybe that's just the way I work. I have trouble concentrating myself (it isn't ADD but it is a medical thingie, long story) and I need that hour to just space out and click my brain off. It gives me time to sort of recharge.Also, I am a music addict. I don't know if 8-year-olds listen to music... but I know that I can concentrate better if I have music playing. People have different opinions on this- some people think that classical music helps kids learn, but personally classical music makes me destructive while heavy metal calms me down. So yeah... that's something only you could really figure out for your son ^_^;;;.Also, I hear this ALL THE TIME from my teachers- do you have a separate place for him to study/ do his homework? Like a desk that isn't near the TV? I remember in 6th grade when my dad would watch TV while I did my homework in the same room and it was so distracting. Does your study place have all the materials? Your son will get distracted if he keeps having to leave for a calculator, pencils, erasers, etc. Some other things to consider- lighting, temperature, comfort, space...And to finally put an end to my painfully long post (sorry), it could also be a learning issue. Dislexia can actually go undetected (I've heard?) etc etc. He may be so worn out that he can't concentrate, there may be something bothering him, he may be one of those people who tanks out suddenly. (I have that problem- you know the information and suddenly you forget everything and panic, usually on tests). If you find that there is a learning problem, make sure he knows that it's not something to be ashamed of. There are tons of people with learning disabilities. Schools are supposed to keep this confidential and help at the same time. And to be honest, the term "learning disability" isn't a very good one, it makes it sound like you can't do something, but really you just think differently.... that was long, I'm sorry.

[silvercamaro77]

You said you think that he is partially doing it to get the extra attention from you even if it is aggravated attention? Maybe you could try offering him 15 minutes of reading time right before bedtime if he can do his homework with minimal prodding and aggravation. Level with him some, tell him that you would really like to spend extra time with him and when he spends 2.5 hours on his homework (when you both know he could do it faster) that it cuts into your time together. It might take a few days for him to see that you will follow through on it, so at first reward him with that extra 15 minutes even if he just finishes a little earlier than usual.Another idea is that you could let him work on his homework for 15-20 minutes then spend 15-20 minutes doing something else like playing outside, a video game, helping you with something around the house, just something that's not homework that he will enjoy in one way or another. Then go back to homework for 15-20 more minutes, and repeat the whole process.It won't seem like he's finishing any sooner, but he can have time to get some other things done too. So even if it takes 2.5 hours doing it this way, he could still have played outside for 15 minutes, taken a shower, eaten dinner, started a book or puzzle, and played part of a video game.Just make sure you set a timer so that he knows when his time for each 15 minutes is up.Amber

[Guest]

Consider the enviroment. Make sure your son is in a room with no distractions. This is the age when kids have trouble getting homework done. By middle school it should even out. But now, make sure your son is in a room with no distractions, just a pretty much empty room. Also make sure that he is at a table or desk, this can improve work and makes it faster than on the floor. This room also should not be a kitchen or room you use often. When he does homework he should be alone unless he asks for help with it. Since you said your son needs to get back into things, try giving him a workbook to do 3 lessons a week next summer. He will get back into things much faster and easier. (not to mention improvement in grades) Let him play for 45 minutes to a hour. This is what worked for me a few years ago when I was his age. (I am 11 now) Good luck

[Gaby]

SeaShellE, Wow, your son sounds a lot like mine. Mikel will be 8 in September. Mikel struggled all through 1st and 2nd grade, both with getting his homework done at home, and with his classwork in class. During testings though, he proves that he knows the stuff, actually he always tests at least one grade ahead of where he is. He has serious concentration problems though. He was recently diagnosed with ADD, and medication has helped a lot in class, but we still struggle with homework. I have tried punishment - restriction from tv, video games, friends, etc., rewards - extra tv or video game time up to 1/2 hour after his brothers go to bed, special trips to the ice cream shop with just mom and dad, or special trip to the movies with just mom and dad, rewards like special trips for ice cream or movies are for completing homework within a reasonable time for most of a week. Not much worked. We have tried reward charts of all kinds and nothing worked for more than a few weeks. I have found that what worked the best is giving the control and responsibility to Mikel. I tell him, if he gets home from school at 3:00 he has 4&1/2 hours to get his homework done and play. How he choses to spend this time is up to him. If he choses to spend 2 hours doing 15 minutes of homework that is his choice and he misses out on other stuff. He is spending his video game time on homework. Honestly that has worked the best. I have tried everything that his doctors, teachers, and us as his parents have thought up. I just leave him be, unless he asks a question about the work, because like you said, the attention is often what he is after whether it is good or bad attention. I have also said stuff like no video games or friends over after 6pm or after dinner, so that he would be motivated to get his homework done so he could play before dinner. Mikel is a strong willed child, and giving him the power to make his own decisions and leaving him to be responsible with the consequences has been the most effective. Also, like others have mentioned, taking a half hour after getting home to have an after school snack has been very effective for Mikel too. Hope that helps! Just know that as frustrating as it can be, you are certainly not alone!

[Guest]

I did the exact same thing as a child, and it turned out that I was just BORED. When kids don't feel challenged, they have no extra motivation. Maybe if you challenged him it might help to wake him up and get him going!When I was in pre-school, there were 5 different reading groups according to ability and progress. I was in the lowest reading group because I never read what I was supposed to read and I didn't seem interested. The teacher fixed that by immediately putting me in the advanced reading group, and I took off! Started reading like crazy and have been that way ever since!I don't know if this will work for your son, but from personal experience, it did work for me!

[SeaShellE]

I have begged them to test him for Gifted and Talented and they said he has to be nominated by his previous teacher. So I went to her and she said that sometimes he wouldn't know how to apply the knowledge he learned. Maybe I will try again this year.

[KittyCaller]

I'm a procrastinator and had pretty big problems in terms of homework time management. (Course I'm also very disorganized and if my homework was done, it could very possibly have been done on two sheets; half on the one I started and then a complete or semi-complete on the replacement for the sheet I lost) Anyways, I think if there's any possible way to make the homework anymore fun, give it a shot. I know for me if it's boring, it's like having teeth pulled. I'm not ADHD or ADD, but I think it's human nature; if it's boring, I'm not gonna be interested. Maybe if you're sure he's got the material down, you can figure out someway to make it a time related game. The incentives people mentioned could be the "prizes." The faster he gets it done (correctly) the bigger the prize. I dunno, it's just an idea.

[Guest]

KittyCaller's idea sounds like it could be worth a good try. I remember having trouble with homework, it was so BORING! Most of the time it was stuff I'd either figured out years ago or else it was stuff that I just didn't have the first clue about (like math) and our classes were so big the teacher never had a chance to spot that I was having problems and didn't have time to work with each student individually. Making it a game also gives him your attention, and in a positive way.

[CrabbyJ]

Hi SeaShellE,My daughter who is 7 also had problems last year with her homework. I had a hard time with her practicing reading and we usually ended up doing her homework just before bed. It always took longer and seemed harder to her because she was tired by then. School for us starts Sept. 6th so I asked what we could do differently this year to help her get her homework done earlier and faster and she told me she needs time to play and a snack right after school. Then she'll be ready to tackel her homework. I thought it was interesting that she suggested the same idea many others suggested for your son.Hopefully this will work this year. Also, just a thought: How long has he been back in school? Usually it takes the kids about 3 to 4 weeks to adjust to going back to school. Maybe he hasn't had the chance to get used to the change yet?

[NewCrabber]

Oh, does this sound familiar. My oldest boy was the same way when he was that age. Of course, a few people I spoke to about this suggested almost right away that I have him tested for ADD. Not. This is a child who at the time, and still does on occasion, walks around a grocery reading a book while I'm shopping and has no problem focusing and spending time, at length, on something that interests him. The most exhausting and frustrating time of my day was from the time he got home from school until he went to bed. Trying to get him to do his homework, helping my youngest with his and getting everything else done was a real challenge. But then, with certain subjects I tried making up little games, like rhyming things and riddles, etc. His work still took longer than necessary, but it was a way for us to spend quality time together, keep him interested, make it fun for both of us (and his brother sometimes) and kept my frustration level down. I also always made him do his homework soon after arriving home from school and decided to try allowing him time to play and do the work after dinner. That didn't work for us, it made things more difficult. With him, I had to get him to sit down while he was still in the school day mode. Going back to the old way has paid off. I still have to push sometimes, but they both get the idea now that homework is their first priority. Like it or not, we all have a job to do. When that is done, if there is time, it is their time to do what they wish with it, within limits, of course, and running and playing with their friends is a huge priority. It's still not easy sometimes, but it is getting better. They both still whine now and then and I have to remind them of the importance of this work and their education. It doesn't help that a lot of the kids in this neighborhood are allowed to play right after school and come knocking on the door one at a time while mine are buried in books and worksheets. But what does help is the routine and something else, a little, is that they have three examples of the possible consequences when school/homework isn't made a priority or what could happen if I didn't sit on them to get it done. Two of their friends failed last year, one for the second time and another failed a few years ago. Two are among the kids I see playing outside from right after school until dinner time, back out after that until dark on school nights and they are normal, bright children. Now, LOL, I have the opposite problem often. When they finally understood no amount of crying, fiddling, woe is me tantrums, trying to hide work, etc., would get them out of doing homework when they get home, they rush through it. That's a time when I try to step in and start a conversation about whatever it is that they are working on. My oldest sometimes does his on the bus which he knows I don't approve off. But all in all, things are getting better. They have a clear understanding of what is expected of them now and what the payoff is for them (for the most part). Being on a tight schedule can make it difficult, but I believe sitting down at the table with my boys while they did homework at that age helped. I was involved in doing it with them and I think they wanted and needed that. As they got a little older, I backed off a bit. Instead of sitting with them, I'd be in the kitchen, nearby where I could see and hear them and now I do my own thing unless they ask for help. Hang in there, it will get easier. I just hope it stays this way!