Valentines Day coming up and I'm already depressed.

Crabber85 · Post by **Crabber85** » Fri Jan 30, 2015 7:36 am

I wont get into to much detail here since this is a family oriented site but I just recently celebrated my 29th birthday back in Dec and I haven't been handling it well because I reflected that day on my life and where I am and what I'm doing compared to where I thought I was going to be and what I thought I was going to be doing back when I when I was fifteen and getting close to graduating high school.Back then I thought I was destined to marry my childhood sweetheart my then current girlfriend and I was already looking at colleges and had my life planned out and was even planning a family I had the dates picked out using a little clever mathematics and everything seemed to be falling right in line.Little did I know that my life was about to turn upside down six months after my sixteenth birthday my girlfriend of three years decided that I wasn't what she wanted and even told me that she never actually had any feelings for me that I was a tool she was using to get close to my younger brother he was really the one she wanted and had to wait till his girlfriend had broken up with him so I got used.Not long after that my dad got illegally fired over a disability he had and we lost our house and in an effort to try to keep it he went through mine and my brothers entire college fund so when I graduated high school I had to immediately start work and bounced around from job to job because I could never mentally keep up with the work pace.This left me feeling devastated and broken I haven't ever gotten over the whole situation the scars left behind are still very painful and has caused me to be less trusting and more shut in because I don't want to be hurt again.I mean she was for me my one and only and I was serious about my intentions to marry her after I got out of college and she destroyed me.Now please don't misunderstand I have always been fully committed to waiting till marriage for certain things so my honor and integrity is still intact.I can go out anywhere and find women who I feel attracted to but the feeling is never mutual or reciprocated I'm always overlooked because of my disabilities and the fact that I'm short and not particularly attractive looking myself.I told my mother that I would love to have a good woman in my life who I could share it with who really wanted me for me faults and all but it feels like the day I was born women around the world had a group vote and found me to be off putting and generally unlikeable then and the word spread from there to every generation of women since then.I've been told that my standards for finding a suitable mate are a lot lower than they should be but I figure its not all about how a person looks you have to have chemistry and love their personality before considering their physical appearance so I'm not looking for the perfect supermodel because I know I'm not that great looking, I think I got in line ten times when good looks were being handed out and got passed over every time.My brother who is three years younger than me has been married to the love of his life for three years and has made a life for him and his wife, he's done everything I ever wanted to do he's taken those next steps that I'm still fumbling around in the dark trying to find.I was so depressed on my last birthday over my failures that I just sat in the dark and cried because I feel like a one armed man in a swimming contest, I'm just going in circles and if I stop I drown so either way I'm at a loss.By now at my age I should have finished college, married and been on my third kid but due to circumstances beyond my control all that has been seemingly taken from me and I'm left groping around in the dark trying to find a light switch that has been completely removed.Now Valentines day is upon, the cards, flowers, candies and stuffed animals are all around but all the holiday is to me is another reminder of what I don't have.

Geranium · Post by **Geranium** » Fri Jan 30, 2015 11:04 am

I am sorry you're having a hard time. Have you considered going back to school once your disability comes through? There are all sorts of accommodations that can be made to work around disabilities. Also, just to give some hope, my sister did not find her husband until she was 48. She has had similar circumstances minus the Dad's job loss. They have been married for a year and a half. She is blissfully happy. And physical attractiveness is superficial and any woman who would judge based on that is not somone you want to be with. Character, kindness, stability, and loyalty are what attracted me about my husband of 23 years. The one piece of advice I would offer is to not focus as much on finding a relationship and focus on enjoying your life. Spend valentine's day at a soup kitchen helping or an animal shelter as a volunteer or the like. As you build your happiness in your life you will draw to yourself the people who are to be in your life. Hang in there, pray about it and listen for guidance.

Crabber85 · Post by **Crabber85** » Fri Jan 30, 2015 12:34 pm

@Geranium, thanks for the advice and encouragement I've been so down in the dumps lately between loosing my father back in June to cancer and getting to this stage in my life and not doing anywhere near where I want to be doing with it that I feel like a lost puppy I don't have any real direction at the moment I'm basically free drifiting and have no way of knowing where I'll end up because I can't see the end of the tunnle from where I am.I've tried just being me and doing the things I love you know like keeping hermitcrabs and collecting comic books because these things make up a part of who I am and to most people these things seem odd and a little bit off-putting but they make me happy.I tend to come across as the weird geeky guy constantly got his nose in a book or talking about working on computers which I have done since I was a teenager and apparently these hobbies or habbits of mine seem to be just a little bit too odd for the general population which is a shame but hey all I can be is me as Popeye once said I yam what I yam and thats all that I yam.I'm very selfconcious when it comes to talking face to face with others which comes across as me fumbling over my words and constantly saying the wrong things which then makes me seem a lot dumber than I am because I'm socially awkward been this way my entire life and that makes doing sales jobs nearly impossible because I can't carry a conversation with a customer and answer questions correctly without completley stumbling over my own mouth.I've tried dating over the last ten years and got nowhere real fast both times I actually got to talking to a woman the relationship quickly turned sour because I wasn't moving fast enough, I actually like to take my time to get to know a person before I jump to the I Do's and that just wasnt working for the other person so I inevitably got shot down so lately I've been more and more reclusive because it doesn't matter how nice of a person I am and how much I try to offer it seems like its never going to be enough.I feel ashamed because I haven't financially able to actually take anyone out on a date I'm so dependent on my family at this point for my life sustaining necessities that I feel guilty I'm a young man who is capable of working if given a chance but because of certain preconceptions about autism I'm constantly being shot down for work oppuritunities which isn't fair.Due to the way the new healthcare law works I can't get jobs doing industrial work or anything that involves dangers in the work place because I'm considered high injury risk and if the company hires me they could loose their property insurance as well as their employee health coverage just for hireing me as that would consitute a violation of the contracts they have with their insurance providers.This all stems back to around 2006 so many people were getting injuried on the job that the health insurance providers and the property insurance providers started threating to drop the clients coverage if they couldn't get the number of injuries down and so to do that they started denying people like me the right to work this doesn't right does it I thought the Americans with Disabilities Act was supposed to protect workers like me from being targeted like this but thats just simply not the case.I wish my disability pay would start soon but my lawyer says that this could go for a minimum of two years before I see anything out of it so I've got a while to wait.I would love to go back to school but I've been out of high school for so long that I'd have to go back and take the base classes all over again before I could even think of taking on a college level class load.Being that I am young white male I don't qualify for financial assitance to go to school and believe me I've been around the block trying to get help several times and every time I get the same answer We're sorry but we can't help you as you don't meet our minimum requirements for getting assitance at this time.I've tried a job placement program for the disabled and got kicked from it because they couldn't help and advised that I try getting on disability, this is the same thing the DOL Department of Labor told me and a couple different temp agencies so I'm literally danged if I do and danged if I don't.I would love to get into building PC's as profession and we do have a couple different shops that do that and I've tried getting on at both of them but because I don't have a degree and two years experience I'm not hireable...It doesn't matter what I try to do I'm never good enough or worth the effort so to say that its a little bit heartbreaking is a big understatment.I'm still looking for the future Mrs. and haven't stopped but I'm starting to run out of places to look and I've prayed till I'm blue in the face but hey it is what it is and all I can do is try to live with it as best I can.

Bybo · Post by **Bybo** » Sat Jan 31, 2015 1:05 am

I'm sorry your feeling like this. When I get really depressed I just spend some extra time with my favorite crabs, letting them crawl all over me. They usally make me feel better. Oh or I also cuddle with my dog.

Crabber85 · Post by **Crabber85** » Sat Jan 31, 2015 4:58 am

@Bybo, I've got a little chihuahua, pug, terrier mix and when I get sad he gets upset and wants to comfort me by licking my hands or getting me to scratch his back, his name is Moon Doggy after the surfer in the movie Gidget.lolHe can't stand to see me cry and if he does he gets vocal about it like he's trying to tell me its going to be okay and truthfully if I didn't have him I wouldn't have a single friend.I've come to grips with it back in middle school that I'm just a generally unlikable person for whatever reason people can't stand to be around me for very long so I don't have a social life at all, I don't get invited to events and if I do manage to find out about a party or something its always last minute from someone else who actually got invited weeks in advance meanwhile I've been left out of the loop my own family is like this they won't tell me whats going on till its too late to do anything because they don't want to hurt my feelings by telling me they don't want me going they just pretend to forget until the very last second and they are like Oh I forgot to tell you so and so is having a party and we are going you didn't want to come did you?I generally just say no because I know I'm not wanted so why bother...I can remember a conversation I had with a girl back in the sixth grade she was supposed to be my friend we'd known each other for years and one day I asked her why all the other girls were ignoring me and she wouldn't answer so I said is it because they think I'm ugly and she just shook her head and said yes and I felt like a ton of bricks had hit me in the face.I've always been short its a genetic issue I stopped growing in the seventh grade and topped out at 5'6 though I tell people that I'm 5'7 to make myself feel a little better but between being so small in school and having such a bulbous head I quickly got the knick-name Alien Head because I was severely underweight I only weighed 90 lbs in the eight grade and that was due to the meds I was on for my autism so I had to just come to terms with the fact that I was this little scrawny, ugly, nerdy guy, I've got a serious issue with lazy eye one eye is literally tilted at an angle and a bit lower than the other and then I met my childhood sweet heart and thought she was as serious about me as I was about her only to find out a couple of years down the road that she was just using me.Since graduating high school I've gained close to a hundred pounds to try to alter my physical appearance and even started growing out a beard and between the two I've only managed to make myself even less attractive, it really hurts knowing that your looked down on as the tubby short, bespectacled clown that everybody picks on just to get a laugh.My brother and all my cousins are over six foot tall and very handsome so when I'm out with them its a huge difference in comparison I stick out like a sore thumb.I like to joke that I got hobbit genes from my mothers side of the family her dad is shorter than I am he's about five foot tall if that.Two years ago I got a job offer to be the new mall Santa Clause while I was shopping, I guess the mall staff thought it would be funny to pick at my shortness and being heavyset but I didn't find it to be funny because the offer was made in jest to mock me.

Laurie LeAnn · Post by **Laurie LeAnn** » Tue Feb 03, 2015 2:25 am

Try and be POSITIVE and think glass half full , look at what you have do not have...o.k.

Crabber85 · Post by **Crabber85** » Tue Feb 03, 2015 6:38 am

@Laurie, thanks and yes I'm trying to be more of an optimist, I've been looking for a job but it seems like every place I've put in only does it online which makes it much less personal and doesn't give me a chance to actually talk to anybody in management which is unfortunate.I'm trying to get back into retail since I've done it before but the few places that are hiring either want you to have six months with them at another one of their locations or two years somewhere else in a similar setting, its a complete and total pain.lolI think I may get my brother and sister-in-law to help me with my search to find the future Mrs. because I need all the help I can get.

Geranium · Post by **Geranium** » Tue Feb 03, 2015 7:13 am

Okay, let me preface this with I too tend to be blunt at times, please take this with all the love and care I intend. You are a full fledged adult and are now 100% responsible for your life. Yes, you have been through some incredibly difficult times recently and in the past, and have things about you that you must work around. Welcome to the club! Pretty much everyone lives there in one way or another. I could give examples but if you really think about it I suspect you can come up with several public figures and even biblical figures who fit the bill. You are a child of God! That alone makes you worthy of love and respect and blast it, joy! I don't care if you look like Quasimodo or can't see or any of the other things listed, there is NO SUCH THING AS UNLOVABLE! If you are not happy with the way life is, change it! Do not let people treat you that way, do not allow yourself to treat others that way and most of all STOP TREATING YOURSELF THAT WAY! Get out and do things you love, do things that you have never done before, find the people who will support you in finding your life, get out of the dang hole you have allowed yourself to be stuck in. When you were a child, you did not have control. Now as an adult, you have given all of your control, all of you God given power to others. Stop it!Attitude is the most important thing and that you do have control of right now! That is the first step, stop abusing yourself as a way to either get attention or to excuse your lack of success in getting your life in order or out of habit. Yes, ask for help and keep asking until you get what you need. Go to the local community college and talk to them about how you CAN go to school and get that degree. Talk to them about outside the box ways to get you education paid for, ask for their help and keep asking day after day until either they help you or get so annoyed by you that they help you just to make you go away. But you cant go in looking for a hand out or someone to do it for you, you must approach people with the request that they help you work toward your goals and accept their help when offered. Make sure they know you are willing to do the work. Make eye contact and address them by name.One of the best exercises I was given when my self esteem was non-existent was to look in the mirror every morning when I woke up and every night before bed and say "I, insert name, am a terrific person." Say it 5 times twice a day. Trust me, I know how low you can feel and saying that to yourself in the mirror takes effort because you don't believe it. You don't believe you deserve better so you put up with bad behavior and accept that you are not worth their love and support. Get away from those jerks (insert profanity as desired, though note it takes something pretty major to get me to curse ever and this has done it). This is your life you are fighting for, let the discomfort you are feeling now drive you to succeed if only to prove those jerks wrong! You contribute huge amounts of information and support on this board (and explained the Trinity to me in a way that finally made it make sense!), none of the things you need to do for yourself, to get the life you want, takes any more effort, intelligence, luck, skill or anything else than what you already do here. Take just a moment, here, now, to feel sad about all the struggles then get off your butt and go DO something, anything, to get you out of your way. Create an online forum for geeks in your area to meet and play games. This exists here, I am a member. We play board games, laser tag, go bowling, to the movies. Others in the group have gone shopping at a huge used book place, gone to museums. Nothing is off limits and no one is turned away for being socially awkward, geeky, or smarter than everyone else in the room.Now, I am not saying jump in and do it all at once but start and just keep going. One day you will look up and realize you're happy.Also because I know your level of faith, stop on a regular basis (I like first thing in the morning and just before bed but choose your own time) and sit in complete silence and listen to God, His angels, and do what they tell you to do. Don't ask why or reduce the messages you hear to drivel, act on them. God has a huge plan for your life if you just trust Him and follow that guidance you receive even if it seems crazy. An example, I was driving along and heard that I needed to go to Petco. Of course I argued, NO, I don't need any more crabs! Just go. I did and ran into a friend that I had not seen in years, we had the chance to catch up and she needed something that I could provide but we would not have realized that if I hadn't run into her and got to talking about what had happened since the last time we saw each other. It happens all the time now that I am listening. How much worse could it be if you try it out? Also, When you get in the "what ifs" follow it all the way. What if I get teased? So, what? Why are you going to let that stop you? What if I make a fool of myself? What if you do? Then what? Eventually you will see there is nothing worthwhile standing in your way.

Crabber85 · Post by **Crabber85** » Tue Feb 03, 2015 12:16 pm

@Geranium, thanks for that and I agree I need to get out there and do what I need to do to make things happen for me instead of living for everybody else.I found it odd that you would say that I had my power taken from me as a child and then I just gave up as an adult that is half true unfortunately for me.I was always expected to act like an adult even at nine, ten years old I was always being told to act like man be an adult but was always treated like a child this has kept on even till now, I remeber turning eighteen and my parents acting like that meant nothing that I was still a child still two years old and thats how they treated me even when I was old enough to make up my own mind I wasn't allowed I had to follow their rule and their train of thought I couldn't have my own mind my own opinion because that was considered rebellious.I can remeber getting my report card at the end of sixth grade and how much I'd struggled to get the grades I'd gotten which was all A's and one B and when I showed the card to my dad he was like you got a B thats not good enough you should have done better but was praising my bother and sister for their report cards, I was completely taken back the B was in math which I really struggled in and almost failed the subject altogether but my effort was completely minimized.I felt so devestated that I just went to my room and cried because I felt like no matter how hard I struggled or well I did it really didn't matter and it was that way for the rest of my life even when I graduated high school with honors with the highest grade point average in the history of the school I was immediately shot down he just looked at me and said you could have done better, seriously I did better than anyone else in the entire history of the school but that still isn't good enough, wow. I was made to conform to their ways I wasn't allowed to have my own life and the statement "We brought you into this world We own you" was made over and over throughout my life and I'd heard it so much growing up that I believed it just like I'd heard about how stupid I was so often that I began to believe that and didn't think I had any value as a result.I remember being asked the question "Who do you think You are?" when I'd gotten blamed for something I hadn't done as usual and my response was "Nobody" because that's what I was taught to believe.I had so much mental conditioning done on me that I need to be in therapy now to undo the damage that was done to me.My grandmother used to tell me that I was worth something and that I was smart and that I could do anything I wanted to do because she knew how I was being treated at home and she tried her best to counter the negative conditioning I was getting from my parents it helped a little I guess.This hasn't ever stopped even when I began to assert my own independence when I turned twenty-one they still continued to treat me as a two year old I got no respect for being an adult but was expected to give it unconditionally.In essence I never had any power or respect growing up being nothing more than a burden and a pack mule and never had any respect or power given to me as an adult to then give it up.When I turned twenty-five I finally had enough and put my foot down and told my parents that they needed to look at me as an adult with the respect that I'd earned by being the best person I could be, I've always behaved never had any problems with authority figures so I've never been arressted or been in any incidents but my parents refused to treat me as they expected to be treated even though I've never done anything to loose their respect.The only thing that I was allowed to do growing up was watch movies that were rated a little above my age, when I was fifteen I was then allowed to watch war movies with my dad that were rated R and then when I turned eighteen I was allowed to watch them on my own but apart from that I had no other freedom.I asked my dad before he died why I was always treated as a child and said it was because I never grew up and that I needed to go get a job and start paying bills before they would treat me like an adult, um excuse me but what did you think I was doing while I was in high school picking daisies?Both my parents have always looked for ways to degrade me and lower my status within the family because they feared what would happen to me when I got out on my own, I have medical issues that prevent me from living by myself so thats not a problem I could have easily found a good house-mate who would have helped pay rent and utilities but my parents didn't ever trust me enough to allow me to move out and live on my own so they mentally handicapped me to keep me hobbled in their house and then didn't even realize that they had done it.Now I'm seeing my own potential and putting feelers out there to see whats what and what my mother doesn't know is I'm looking to move out pretty soon I want to live in my own space and not have it held over my head constantly that I'm under somebody elses roof.My first step is to get a job wich is the obvious although not so easy part but after that I'm going to need to find a house-mate and I'm going to need to save up enough money to pay a deposit and two months rent which leads me to finding a place which in my area there are lots of places for rent some in good areas others in not so good but one thing at a time.I would like to go back to school and probably will in time but I've got to get out on my own first.My mother knows I'm planning on moving but doesn't know when and has tried to get me to say I'd help her with the house payment basically paying rent to stay where I am but I don't know if I want to do that...I understand your point about listening and praying and believe me I've done alot of both over the last few years as well as crying its been an emotional roller coaster starting with the death of my cousin christy in 2012 then a few months later my aunt rosie and then another cousin not to long after and then in 2013 my grandmother passed and then last year my dad so its been one death after another and these were people that I felt close to that I could talk to, my grandmother constantly called me asking how I was doing because she was worried and wanted to see me out on my own living my life for me and encouraged that behind my parents backs.lolI know now that it is time that I start worrying about me and not about everybody else and their issues, I need to focus on my needs and just take care of me.I'm still hoping to hear something positive back on my disability case but I need to be making some money while I wait for the lawyer to do his job so I've got to find something in the mean time.Thanks again for the encouragement.

Keg · Post by **Keg** » Fri Feb 06, 2015 6:01 am

You're the best admin ever. Your performance on this site is a reference in itself.I suspect you might be good - real good at a few things... Like there are professional gamers who make money playing magic the gathering, or have businesses related to world of warcraft. You might even have talents that could be applied to coding. And there are people who make a good living troubleshooting hardware. There are things to do.

Crabber85 · Post by **Crabber85** » Fri Feb 06, 2015 11:04 am

@Keg, thanks and yeah being and admin here is a great thing because it gives me a platform from which to help educate people on proper hermitcrab care and also gives me a way to reach lots of people to spread the word on anything and everything I might just know a little bit about.When I reference being an admin for a social site which this is most people just take it with a grain of salt like big whoop they voted you crab-king way to go but does it pay anything?I'm always forthright and upfront when I tell others about this position being volunteer only because I want it understood that I don't do what I do here for money or praise I do it because I enjoy helping others.I've used this position as an experience reference when applying for certain jobs but because its an animal husbandry based forum/community most people just don't take it seriously and thats because they have no idea how hard it is to run a website let alone an active forum which has to be maintained to retain its functionality not to mention the fact that its my responsibility to make sure that everyone gets along and that the site is run at peak proficiency.I may be behind on certain maintianence and I may be late answering posts but I'm not always able to get on and log in here and when I do start working I'm going to be on even less unfortunately but life has a funny way of interrupting you at the worst times.lolI just got a couple of letters back from Social Security they denied my appeal which is okay because I expected this my attorney warned me that this is how this process usually goes they will deny multiple times and then it goes before a judge who ends up making the final decision so this is just one more step in a long series...I've been applying around but like I said eariler everbody is doing online applications and those app's end up going to the corporate headquarters typically in another state so the location your trying to get on at doesn't even know you have applied until near the end of the process and the vast majority of the time your application gets screened by a thrid party who is looking for certain qualifications and if you have them the app gets passed on to some bigwig at corporate who then takes a look-see and decides if you are indeed worthy of being hired.Unfortunately most applications never make it past the first screening process even though most business are required by law to keep your application on file with them for a minimum of ninety days they usually just end up tossing it into the trash first thing and write you off completely.I've been in this situaiton where my app was thrown out during the screening process and when I called to confirm that the company had recieved it the Human Resources manager told me that my application was tossed in the trash as soon as they'd recieved it because I had no work history and no valid referrences and then was informed not to call back.Excuse me but thats against the law and extremely rude.I've been done this way dozens of times the story is always the same you have no legal work history so we can't hire you.Most of my prior jobs were just under the table odd jobs but to discount them entirely and then write me off is extremely rude and hateful.How do any of these places expect people to build a work history if they wont even hire them to help them start building one its insane.I've already applied at Best Buy for the Geek Squad but they are extremely selective in who the pick they don't want anybody who actually knows what they are doing and will be honest with the customer, the people who make up the local BB's Geek Squad's are notorious for lieing to the their customers in oder to rip them off this is how they make their money.I have also applied to Game Stop figured hey that would be cool I love video games and would enjoy selling them but the company in a whole is as corrupt as it gets they will hire forty people and then work them on or two days a month and give the senior associates all the days they need so the new hires get maybe twenty-four days a year does this sound right to anybody.I've put in at every grocery store in a three county radius, I've put in at every dollar store from where I live to almost Atlanta which is about sixty locations, I've put in at Biglots, Farmers Furniture and all the other funrinture stores around hoping to get a delivery job because I have done that in the past and still nothing.I've beening putting applications since my dad got too sick to work because I wanted to help my family pay bills and buy food to eat but nobody has been willing to give me a shot.Before that I'd been putting in applications every where that was hiring or not since I got laid off back in 2006 but stopped shortly in 2011 because I thought I had a full time job doing professional photography but that quickly dried up and I went back to looking.Monster Jobs.com, AJC Jobs, Jobzilla, Job hunters, the Department of Labor, three different temp agenices and still nothing yet but I know I can't get discouraged and give up because too much is riding on this.

Keg · Post by **Keg** » Fri Feb 06, 2015 1:13 pm

There are things you should be able to make money at just by virtue of your high IQ. That's why I mentioned professional gamer.There are millions of people doing things for free; Basically they are interns. It counts. They don't minimize it. And there are a lot of people who could volunteer to help with this site and they'd be turned down. They wouldn't have what it takes.

Crabber85 · Post by **Crabber85** » Sun Feb 08, 2015 7:47 am

@Keg, its funny you should mention professional gamer, for a while I was in a professional gaming clan on the xbox-360 we played in developer hosted tournaments on Battle Field 3 from the time the game came out till the end of 2012 when our clan split.We were invited to join a subset of the MLG (Major League Gamers) company during the time We were competing professionally in fact I got offered a position with four different clans who are backed by sponsors but I felt like I had a duty to stick with my group at the time because they took the chance and allowed me to join which then helped to get my gamer tag out there for the other bigger paid clans to see so I felt like I couldn't abandon my guys.There is a code of ethics within the professional clans that when you become a member your a member for life so you can't be a member of more than one clan at any given time its just not heard of.Well back in 2013 our clan broke up due to a spat between the two founders who are actually friends who grew up together one of them wanted to start brining in modders and cheaters to help us win more competitions and the other guy didn't think that was right or moral so they split up and the clan was disbanded for all intents and purposes.At our peak we had over fifty members with another fifty potential candidates that we were trying out, if a clan has one hundred members or more then the founders can actually approach the developers to sponsor them in dev hosted competitions which means these groups with hundreds of gamers in them are making money while they play.With the XBOX-ONE and the PS4 the days of clans as we knew them are over they are a relic of the past unfortunately because more and more of the developers are seeking single players who are extremely talented to play for them in national and global gaming competitions like the one Microsoft just hosted back in November out in California.There is a national Halo competition held each year and since Bungie the original creator of the Halo franchise isn't having anything to do with it anymore 343 Industries is now developing the new installments and hosting the annual competition but to get in you have to have some serious chops, pint point accuracy is a necessary must and my aim time is nearly double everybody else's so I typically end up shooting last and getting downed first.lolMy job in the clan I was in was to play the role of support whether it be handing out ammunition, healing injured team mates or repairing damaged vehicles that was my lot and I was very very good at it hence the reason why I got so many clan invites it wasn't because I had spectacular K/D's or kills versus death ratios it was because I was a well rounded team player who could cover and job at a moments notice.I did excel at gunning for my tank drivers, I have an insane accuracy with the secondary gunning position on the tanks on BF3 and Battle Field Bad Company 2 which was another reason why I had so many clan invites.I've been accused of cheating while in the secondary gunners seat because I don't take much time to find a target and down it which makes it very hard for guys running C4 to take my tank out typically they can't get in close enough to do anything and then when they get downed four or five times in a row I get a barrage of hate mail stating that they'd reported me for using an aim-bot or other cheat because there was no way that I could no where they were coming from every time I guess they never learned about the proxy scan perk for the tanks and what it does.lolA few years ago I'd thought about doing uploads of game walkthroughs and lets plays but with the new copyright infringement policy that Youtube has that went right out the door now you can only show thirty seconds of copyrighted content on your videos and then you have to turn it off or you can be charged for felony uploading and have your youtube account banned as well as your IP address, youtube got into some hot water with Nintendo a while back and Nintendo sued over the fact that youtube was allowing Nintendo games to be shown on their service and the parent ie Nintendo wasn't seeing any revenue out of it so they surmised that if they weren't gonna get paid then they'd just make it illegal to show their content and so they did which sparked a movement and now you can't even have a copyrighted song playing in the background of your videos without getting flagged for it.At one time if your channel had enough subscribers and your content was well laid out you could get paid by youtube for each new vid you uploaded which is how a lot of youtubers make their money but with the way things have changed they now have to use funding projects like Patreon and Go Fund Me in order to make a living at what youtube used to pay them for.

Tongue Flicker · Post by **Tongue Flicker** » Mon Feb 09, 2015 2:52 pm

No worries, I'm 27 and still not married. I'm not technically single though. You're still young, you'll catch up with that. I've had a couple of friends in their late 20's who died recently due to a car accident and cancer, I feel bad but that's life. Good luck with your life and enjoy it while you can. No matter what happens you still have us, your online moral support

Crabber85 · Post by **Crabber85** » Tue Feb 10, 2015 6:07 am

@Tongue Flicker, thanks and yeah I'm trying to just do for me right now and let the future bring what it may.I've started into the third and final phase with my eye condition basically I'm getting blind spots that are lasting longer and longer instead of clearing up when I address my low blood sugar like it used to do, instead now these blurry spots in my vision are sticking around for days at a time so I just have to wait for them to go away on their own.This condition is hereditary and comes from my dad's side of the family so its only present in the males in my family and I'm following the time line my dad did when he started to completely loose his vision.The issue starts to get bad with the blind spots by the time you turn twenty-one and then progressively gets worse and by the time your thirty is un-treatable getting worse and worse each year thereafter until you have a permanent blind spot that is usually big enough to block out the vision in the effected eye.Apparently its got something to do with the lens of the eye forming a cataract due to damage that the tissue sustains from excessive drying out and other physiological damage from the low blood sugar.My right eye is doing this now and I've spoken to a few eye surgeons who do laser surgery and they say that Lasik wont help and could possible do more damage so they wont touch me.